around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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