if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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