Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so let's talk penis.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
