My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
