i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
