Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
