just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this is an emotional support booty call
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
