We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
