And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
