Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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