I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
