You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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