is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize