i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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