i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
