He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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