good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
