Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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