dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
