you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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