took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
