I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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