Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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