My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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