When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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