We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
