So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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