I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
