We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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