do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My friends, they love my intelligence
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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