My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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