U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
