I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
