her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
