When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize