Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We are two peas in an std pod
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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