So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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