I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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