know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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