i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
birth control should be required to get into college
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
