A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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