Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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