yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
