Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
