We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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