My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
