Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
