dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
