So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
