i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
