saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
