Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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