I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
