sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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