A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
