There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize