wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
