I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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