Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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