So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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