thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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