If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
