I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
