we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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