I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
