Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
