I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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