I'm gonna have a badass scar
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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